B R E A T H E

Yesterday. Yesterday changed my life. I keep replaying it in my head, the little fragments and pieces I can remember anyway. Yesterday, the day that will forever hold so much hurt and anger. September 18th, 2017. I already have that date burned into my head. I can’t believe it was yesterday. It feels like it’s been weeks. The emotions, the thoughts. I feel like I’ve aged 5 years in 24 hours. “Stay strong.” I’ve heard that so many times in the past day I don’t ever want to hear it again. I am TRYING. I am trying so hard. STAY STRONG.. AKA.. DO THE IMPOSSIBLE. I just lost the biggest part of my heart.. but stay strong. I feel bitter and I feel cold. I feel selfish. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I’m in a dream. Nothing seems real and I’m just waiting to wake up. Please wake me up. Please just wake me up and tell me it was a nightmare. It was a nightmare.. a living nightmare. I’ll never get the image out of my head. I’ll never get the hurt out of my heart. Has this really only been a day? How am I supposed to get through THE REST OF MY LIFE… WITHOUT YOU.. it’s only been one day. I don’t want tomorrow to come. I get to pick out your urn.. I get to talk about your arrangements.. I get to make more phone calls saying the same thing over and over choking down tears… happy Wednesday. I haven’t been able to sleep. I can barely sit still. I miss you so much and it’s only been ONE DAY. “Take it a day at a time.”  Damn you, Yesterday.

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